an angel's creation

Last Wednesday, I received a text message that the editorial board race results are out. Well, actually, I received a text message saying that Acor is the new Editor-in-Chief (Congrats, dear!).

A year ago, that message would have caused my heart to beat a hundred times faster. But this time was different, because I withdrew from the race. The feeling was just neutral; I just wanted to find out who won. The emotions heightened at some point, but that's entirely a different topic.

Freshman year began with me trudging along a rocky road. Self-esteem was kind of at its lowest, I was afraid that receiving another rejection would cause me to forever doubt my capabilities.

Still, despite this, I applied for The GUIDON. I've been part of a school paper since time immemorial, and so I knew that I won't forgive myself if I don't give it a shot. When the results of the application were posted, I was preparing myself for a heartbreaking news . . but luckily, I got in.

My level of self-confidence is not difficult to raise at all. With that, I became so proud of myself, disregarding all previous doubts. It's the first thing in Ateneo that made me feel like I am not a student lost in a population of smart, talented, and extraordinary people. It made taking up a course that was not fit for me tolerable; it compensated for my mediocre grades in classes that I didn't like. For the first time in my few months in college, I felt like I belong.

I was not able to bond with my then co-staffers because being the freshie that I was, my shyness overpowered me. Thank God for Tasha, my fellow freshie staffer, who was my partner in receiving the "You're a freshie" remarks of my editor. Of course he did not do it in an Im-looking-down-at-you manner; he just loved making fun of us (and he's just envious that we were still young and several opportunities still awaited us. Haha).

PJ Purganan was my very first Features editor. He taught me a lot, not only with regards to writing and editing; he taught me to believe in myself. I was so surprised that he trusted me to become editorial assistant early in my career stint as a Features staffer.

More than the delight of seeing my name in the byline, of being able to continue writing, of having an org that I can call home, The GUIDON has given me a new way of perceiving myself. Indeed, it was my first love in Ateneo. Despite all the hassles of hunting down interviewees, sorting out piles of research materials, beating the strict deadlines, I can't help but willingly give my commitment to the org.

Three years after, I'm still here, struggling with the publication that can so much be considered as a 6-unit course that I have to take semester after semester.

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